Controlling Social Anxiety Disorder

It’s funny when anxiety strikes, at least for me anyway. I’ve gone through so many changes in the past three weeks, from a new vehicle (with a massive loan) to a pending new job and a prospect in my love life, and there are more to come. Taking things one step at a time has worked for me for now, but it won’t be long until it builds up. I hope I can face my fears before that happens.

There’s one thing that I tried recently that has seemed to work when I start to become anxious. When I have that familiar feeling, I stop myself and think how it’s going to affect me in the long run. When I’m afraid to approach someone, I think “What could it hurt?” and “Do I really want to be a shut in the rest of my life?” When the answers to those questions are “It can’t hurt” and “No” then I find myself calmed a bit. As it turned out, I had nothing to fear in approaching someone the other night, and possibly formed a friendship from the encounter.

So stop. Take a breath. Relax. It’s not worth worrying about.

From WebMD:

“Social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is an anxiety disorder in which a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Anxiety (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged, and criticized by others.

A person with social anxiety disorder is afraid that he or she will make mistakes and be embarrassed or humiliated in front of others. The fear may be made worse by a lack of social skills or experience in social situations. The anxiety can build into a panic attack. As a result of the fear, the person endures certain social situations in extreme distress or may avoid them altogether. In addition, people with social anxiety disorder often suffer “anticipatory” anxiety — the fear of a situation before it even happens — for days or weeks before the event. In many cases, the person is aware that the fear is unreasonable, yet is unable to overcome it.

People with social anxiety disorder suffer from distorted thinking, including false beliefs about social situations and the negative opinions of others. Without treatment, social anxiety disorder can negatively interfere with the person’s normal daily routine, including school, work, social activities, and relationships.

People with social anxiety disorder may be afraid of a specific situation, such as speaking in public. However, most people with social anxiety disorder fear more than one social situation. Other situations that commonly provoke anxiety include:

• Eating or drinking in front of others.
• Writing or working in front of others.
• Being the center of attention.
• Interacting with people, including dating or going to parties.
• Asking questions or giving reports in groups.
• Using public toilets.
• Talking on the telephone.”

Everyone with this disorder experiences it differently and in different magnitudes. There are a few things in this definition that I want to point out for the benefit of family and friends of a person with the disorder:

• The person is aware the fear is unreasonable, yet is unable to overcome it.
• People with social anxiety disorder suffer from distorted thinking, including false beliefs about social situations and the negative opinions of others.

Many times friends and family don’t realize that a person with this disorder cannot control their fears and thinking, and instead they add to the problem by pushing the person away or finding it easier to just not deal with them.

But it is difficult for the sufferer to inform friends and family of the issue. In my case, only two people in my life know that I have it. Some may never tell anyone. Try to be as understanding and available to them as possible. Having a warm and welcoming friend or family member around will certainly increase the chances they will open up.

Hi there.

I have Social Anxiety Disorder. I decided to start this blog with hopes that it will not only help myself, but hopefully provide a resource for others who suffer from the same thing. This won’t be a place to vent anger, but a place to document stresses, attacks, etc and ways to control them.

Here’s a bit of my background:

I’m a 23 (almost 24) year old college graduate living in New Jersey. I work two part time jobs which total 30 hours on a good week. I’m currently living with my parents, and while I love that they’ve taken me back in, I would much rather be on my own again.

I had a happy childhood, but I was always a shy child, never knowing how to act around parents or really how to make friends. I eventually did make friends, but it was never an easy task.

In middle school I was plagued with the typical, movie-esq teasing and taunts by the “popular” group of people. At that age I didn’t know how to deal with such issues, and instead became fearful of peers and anything that would draw attention to me.

In high school I experienced my first anxiety and panic attacks, and though short, they appeared at random times. I had a select group of friends, some of whom I knew since middle school, and I never put myself out there to make new ones.

I moved on to college and made a plan to be someone completely different. Needless to say, I spent my first month shut in my room, avoiding social events, and constantly having tearful conversations with my mother on the phone. Making new friends was entirely too stressful. I did meet a few good people in the weeks following, some of whom are the ones I constantly rely on for support to this day.

The last two years of college and past two years of my life is when my issues really started to develop, or it was at least when I could pinpoint what was wrong with me. Fears took over and I began to see everything from some kind of distorted reality. This reality told me that everyone was betraying me, no one wanted to do anything with me, no one would spend time talking with me, I was completely alone, despite the fact that I had some amazing friends by my side.

I had some major breakdowns, started fights over insignificant things, took to drinking, became afraid to contact people, afraid to confront anyone about anything, afraid to even speak to people because I was terrified of their response. I was afraid to ask for something because I thought I was putting someone out by doing so. I feared judgment and criticism from even the closest of friends.

I hit a bottom point, a completely out of character confrontation, and I realized that there was something really wrong with me. After a long conversation with a close friend I decided to seek professional help. I was diagnosed last June with Social Anxiety Disorder.

It was a relief to finally have an answer, a reason for why I couldn’t control my mind and my emotions. But the hard work had just begun. Controlling anxieties of any kind is no easy feat. Social anxiety completely affects your way of life. It affects your interactions with friends, family, co-workers, and in some cases the general public.

There are different ways to control Social Anxiety Disorder, and the aim of this blog is to bring those to light. 

My hope is that this will help those with this disorder, and that it will give friends, family members, and acquaintances an chance to understand.